Saturday, October 09, 2004

Thought of the day - "My Night Out"

Got this mail from my friend...i feel its worth to place this in my blog..
After reading this if u feel it looks like yr story i am not responsible for that....:-)

My feet were getting numb. My arms were getting tired. But I sat there,

looking at the monitor, pretending to work. What if I slept off on thekeyboard? What would
people around me think? Am I not competitiveenough.Would another night out hurt. "No it won't." I consoled myself. "Work alittle more." I told myself.

Images of links between tables and pages from what we call, ETRMscrossed my mind. "Why?" I asked myself. "Why doesn't my mind wander away to themore beautiful things in life?" "Why does it always have to be WORK!!!?"

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I pressed the shutdown buttonon the PC as if to say, "I hate you". As if in reply, it took me twice toshut it down. I kicked my locker and walked out of my cubicle. The securityat the reception looked into my eyes sympathetically. I pretended like I amsolving problems in my head. As if the world depended on my sillyprogram.As if to justify the fact that the Security needs to respect me. I hatedmyself. I walked down the corridor towards the lift.

There I was, on the 10th floor. It was 3.30 in the morning. The terracelooked deserted. I loved the feeling. I was all alone. Just me, and thesky and the stars and the early morning breeze. I looked all around. Theworld looked much beautiful. Somewhere, far away, I could see lights. Ipresume that must have been another workplace where people like me are workingaway at their PCs.

I stood at the edge of the terrace. As I looked at the road that ran infront of our office, I slowly kept my palm on the wall. A chill ran downmy spine. Tiny droplets of water had formed on the wall, which I touched. Iwanted to feel it again. I touched it again. It was the most wonderfulfeeling. I wondered why I don't do these things often.

I decided to stay there till sunrise. I closed my eyes and waited.Finally, I could see a faint light in the east. Even though we hardly notice,these things do happen. Like sunrise and stuff. I saw the sun rise. As he roseI could see more and more buildings like ours. The breeze had got muchstronger. It was like sitting near the window seat of a bus that wasmoving through some lonely road near a lush paddy field. I got that taste inthe air. I got the feel. It was like heaven had met earth.

In the cubicle, I congratulate someone when his SELECT statement works.There I was, all alone, on the terrace, when more important things werehappening and I had no one to congratulate. I wanted to cry "Thank youGod"."Thank you for giving me this beautiful world to live in." But... thewords wouldn't come out. I felt guilty. I knew very well that I would go backin the cubicle once my emotions wore off.

"No" I said. "I am NOT going back there again." I ran down the stairs. Iwanted the glass that covers our reception to break and let some of thisair in. I rushed into my cubicle and got my bag and stuff. Running out, Idid not bother to sign the register. Strangely, my vehicle started with justone kick. I rode my bike quite fast, just to feel the air on my face.

When I reached the road, I realized that I was late. Considering thefact that I was in office since yesterday, I was really really late. Theworld had moved on. People had spent another night with their families. Kidshad spent another day studying for exams. Old folks had spent another nightwondering when to dye their hair. Teenagers had spent another nightdreaming about their loved ones.

There I was, like a machine coming out of my office building. I sawpeople taking their morning walks. Some of them jogging. Some of them standingand talking. Some old aunties jogging and talking and laughing, all at thesame time. There were newspaper-boys, milk-vendors and what not.

I started feeling out of place. "Was I from another planet orsomething?" I thought. I was dreaming I guess, a milk-vendor chap on his bicyclenearly hit my bike. "Idiot" I said. Didn't he know I am going home after atough day? Didn't he know that I am tired, and do not have the energy for suchcrap? "Wait a minute," I told myself. "Are you doing somebody a favor bystaying in the office so long?" "Will this world be a better place ifyou do that?" "Do you have it in you to buy one meal for that milk-vendor'sfamily?"

YOU CAN'T!!! And that's the truth. You can't do anything except writingpieces of code, which you regard as full of life for reasons known bestto you.

I broke into tears thinking about my own plight. I hated the fact that Iexisted. Why was I going through this entire trauma? What was holding mehere? The money?. The passion to program?. The feeling that I would beisolated if I didn't work?. I don't know. I am still searching for theanswers.

Then, suddenly out of nowhere, images of my family came into my mind. Mydad, who had taken care of the family since I remember him. In fact,since I remember anything. My mom who would not have slept even a little bit,since I have not reached home. And my brother, who doesn't actually show it,but misses me when he doesn't see me. "I am not alone" I shouted. "I havethis beautiful world to live in, with beautiful people in it"

Friends, do go out sometimes. Share your life with the people you lovethe most. Share your life with the nature. Share it with the wind. Share itwith the sun. Share it with the rain. Things much much more important thanprogramming is happening out there. But it won't come for you, you haveto go out and find it.

-- Author : Unknown

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